The Letting Go

I remember when we first switched Sophia to the facing-out position in her stroller. And how excited I originally felt for her (oh boy! check out the new view, baby!) and telling everyone who would listen how I felt, all the while secretly noticing just the smallest pangs of inner panic.

And so it begins. Already we're here and she's still so darn tiny. The beginning stages of her moving away from me. More independence every single day. Next thing we know, she's going off to college and we'll wonder where all those years went...

It was a huge worldview shift for both of us. She got to see trees and passing strollers of other little people and streetlights and faces other than mine. And I got to see other faces beaming at my beautiful child. And really life was very good.

Then came the cruising and crawling, the toddling and walking which has turned into a purposeful and spunky strut that I simply adore to watch. She begins school in the fall and despite my joy for her (and for me: some newfound freedom two days per week!), as the days count down closer to September I'm noticing again some pangs of worry. We never dealt with that whole separation anxiety thing that first year because there simply was no separation. Sophia and I have been like peas and carrots on the plate. For the most part, she's been my constant companion for two and a half years now. I've always been a late bloomer and it appears that even now this is the case. Separation anxiety comes a couple of years later than 'normal.' And instead of applying to my baby, the anxiety is all on me.

I think she will be fine. In fact, I'm sure of it. She's a social girl, despite her being home with me all this time. She's chatty and affectionate and quirky and hugely funny with grand gestures. She loves people and just sitting around shooting the shit. Even at this young age, she literally likes to hang out with a tiny coffee mug and chat with adults. Her personality is so huge, stuffed into that tiny frame. I'm often taken aback by her self-assuredness, which I suppose is not all that uncommon for a two-and-a-half year old. It just seems like she gets it already. She is so sure of what she likes and doesn't like and isn't afraid to say it. My hope is that she never loses her voice. That with age, her confidence will continue to grow, that she'll remain open to other ideas but always stay true to herself. And I guess that's how all mothers feel, right?

My hope is that come September I will feel as certain of Sophia's readiness for school....or rather, my readiness for her 'leaving me.'