The other day I was dining with three friends, two of whom are single and looking. The inevitable topic of finding The Right Guy brought out some of our beliefs about love. One woman, Hermione*, said that she'd rather be alone than settle on something less than perfect. Another woman, Magdalena, chimed in that you just need to find the person who is perfect for you. At this point, I voiced my opinion that I actually don't believe it works that way. That perfect simply does not exist. At which point the third friend who is married, Lilith*, said something like "Yeah, remember I was just saying how I wanted to rip Peter's friggin' head off the other day, he's driving me out of my mind!"
I think that often it comes down to the sort of person you are: tolerability, adaptability, willingness to compromise and your commitment to working at it for the rest of your life. If forever is what you are aiming for anyway.
How deep your commitment is to a person and to the institution of marriage will determine longevity. I'm not breaking any new ground here and yet I'm truly surprised by the number of women in this city who keep looking and looking for Mr. Perfect (no longer Mr. Right) and finding themselves consistently disappointed.
The more I look at my own relationship (together total of 12 years, married 5) I see that it comes down to a few things: Laughing, Talking, Crying, Listening, Compromising. And not necessarily in that order.
You simply find someone who complements you, who you laugh with, can cry with, and who doesn't get on your nerves the majority of the time.
*Ordinary names changed to make it a more interesting read
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